Very Rare photos
|
Strangely Made Sandwiches
Monday, May 20, 2013
Can't vouch for these #photos but they'll blow your mind
Monday, January 3, 2011
Here's a piece I wrote after a holiday in France
A family holiday in the Auvergne region of southeastern France can be reasonably enjoyable as long as the visitor is willing to forgive the many shortcoming of the region and its isolated, rather unappealing inhabitants.
Ancient volcanic crests overlook the shabby streets of Puy-en-Velay. The ill-kept gorges of the Haute-Loire plunge into the murk of ancient lava cliffs. Yes, here there are points of interest for anyone with even an undergraduate knowledge of volcanism.
Bicycle camping is, of course, preferred for any mountainous area. Old people and children, and some women, may "kvetch" for a while but the jovial offer of a hungry night sleeping beside the road soon gets idle legs turning the pedals.
The topic of how much luggage is to be carried on each person’s machine can lead to carping. In these egalitarian times, the old rule of "nothing but maps and clean socks" in the group leader’s panniers is perhaps outdated. Nevertheless, the head of the expedition must be kept fresh to navigate. A good rule of thumb is one-third to one-half of the average load carried by other members of the party.
Some North American visitors will be tempted by the novelty of renting one of the toy-like local cars. In keeping with the excitable nature of the French, these vehicles come equipped with electronic gimmicks that purport to help with navigation, play music or monitor fuel consumption (one wonders why – for betting games?). It’s no surprise that General Motors and the other Detroit-based auto manufacturers have been so successful with their policy of refusing to install such fripperies.
The dispiriting slopes of the Auvergne nurture few grapes so there is no need to dwell on wine selection. But get off on the right foot in café or brasserie. Start by demanding impossibly expensive choices or, better yet, fictitious vintages. Then solicit a recommendation and, no matter what the proffered selections, everyone at the table including small children must snort in surprise and annoyance. Don’t forget the Auvergnois tradition that the last glass in each bottle is thrown at any attractive woman at an adjoining table (the famous offrir du vendage).
People talk a lot of nonsense about French cheese. An inflated reputation has, sadly, led to complacency. The odour spilling onto the street from any fromagerie bears sad witness to lax hygiene. Wares are openly displayed in moldy condition; some have developed crusts with the unmistakable bloom of microbial growth. Shoppers, inured to the low standards, come and go oblivious. Remonstrating with the counter staff produces the inevitable shrug and, too often, impertinence.
A word here about the disgraceful state of the region’s much-bruited monuments. Castles have been thrown up any old how, without roof, paint or even proper walls. Locations are chosen to minimize expense and not for the ease of visitors. Fortifications perch awkwardly on outcrops, with no allowance made for those who wish to simply drive through. Volcanic protusions, for that matter, are also inconveniently high with only the cheapest of "volcanic scree" provided for the slopes, up which the traveler is expected to scramble or carry her husband.
Nor is relief to be obtained in the so-called medieval city of Carcassonne, some hours drive west along highways marred by organized brigands who have erected elaborate barriers, complete with glass booths from which they demand cash. Carcassonne itself is thronged with French people who are far too well-fed and rickets-free to pass for 13th-century citoyens. What a surprise to learn that urban life 750 years ago featured mobile phones and carbonated drinks! So grasping is the enterprise that the town has been surrounded by ugly walls studded with absurd towers and ramparts to forestall any attempt at entry without paying the fee.
In fact, the entire region if not the entire country is run for the convenience of the French. Restaurants offer no dinner until 6pm or later and it takes a great deal of banging on the door and haranguing to get a bite before that hour. And then so sullen about it!
Beware, too, the infamous humourlessness of the Gaul. A playful shove or mock kick to get a slow waiter moving will deliberately be taken amiss. Light-heartedly break off the tip of Madame’s baguette in the street and you’ll get a look that would freeze the Mediterranean.
Perhaps, the visitor wonders, a more sophisticated and sympathique welcome will be found in Paris, the oft-proclaimed world capital of letters and art. Time to turn our backs on the charmless dykes and maars of the Auvergne and travel north. Disappointment awaits but that account must be set aside for another day.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Welcome to my blog
In my daytime life, I'm an anchor and reporter for Business News Network. http://www.bnn.ca/Personalities/Andrew-Bell.aspx
The material on this blog is humorous and/or fictional and has absolutely no connection to my work for BNN or CTV.
thanks
The material on this blog is humorous and/or fictional and has absolutely no connection to my work for BNN or CTV.
thanks
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)